Posts Tagged ‘ life ’

School, Writing, and ‘Totes’ is Apparently a Word

I should probably start thinking of some good quality content to put on this blog after school ends. The semester has only just begun but when this year is over, well, then it’s over. Unless by some miracle I apply and get accepted to grad school, and that’s when things get really serious and time will no longer be a concept I can believe in.

Not that I really believe in it now, either.  I’m almost done with my second week of the semester and I already feel as though I’ve fallen so behind…whatever possessed me to save five anthropology classes (four 300-400 level) for my last semester…though it probably doesn’t help that I seem to have a strong case of senioritis that leads me to mistakenly believe I can easily do homework while drinking beer.

Just got to keep pushing to the finish line, though, right.

I’m scared to bits and pieces at the prospect of asking professors for grad school recommendation letters once this is all over.  I’m expecting the responses to be a toss up between, “who are you?” and “I don’t know if I’ve anything good to say about you…”maybe try someone else.

Oh grad schools, why do you need recommendation letters?  I can’t form social connections to save my life.  I was raised in the emergent digital age, I interface with computer screens and emoticons, not living people.

At least I have my writing to fall back on, is what I keep telling myself to my own maniacal laughter.  Writing is a career you pursue relentlessly while keeping a day job to pay the bills (and slowly suck out your soul, and crush your spirit, leaving you a sullen husk silently holding on by that thread of hope that one of your stories will sell like Harry  Potter one day — sorry to spoil it for young, beginning writers brimming with idealistic ambition), anyhow, it’s definitely not Plan B.

That’s why I need to finish writing something and how.  We did intros in one of the classes, stating our name, major, year, and something fun/interesting (it changes as we were moving through the class) about ourselves.  The first guy who went said he was a writer, and I was like oh-fuck, stole my interesting about me, then finished up that he worked on fantasy novels and had two manuscripts finished and I was like, well shit, now I’m just a wannabe and he’s a dedicated professional.  Of course it gets round to me and I’m like, yeah, I also write, then sadly admit, though I haven’t finished a manuscript yet.

The professor, who is also the class clown, was bantering and laughter, and he made some offhanded comment that we can network (the other writer and I) and that guy’s is all scoffing, “she’s not even in the editting stages yet”, but then the prof was kind enough to acknowledge, “but that’s not really something funny.  That’s a serious endeavor, and should be commended,” because he’s actually a nice guy- much better than other everyone-should-be-loud-and-boisterous type teachers I’ve had in the past, then he brought it back around and instructed me, “Now tell us something funny.”

To which I quipped, “Something funny” because you know, no ones ever heard that one before.  People laughed and he was like okay, whatever, moved on to the next person and immediately I thought of a million interesting/funny things I could’ve said about myself instead.

Anyhow, I guess I made the decision then that I need to either work on finishing a manuscript (and then another one and another one and another one) and getting published (my stories anyway, company blog totally does not count.  Side note, WTF is with the word “totes” all of a sudden.  First time I heard it was in the Malcolm McDowell and James Earl  Jones commercial and I’m like, “kids don’t talk like that”, come to find out, they do) back on topic, though, decision: either write something or stop telling people I’m a writer.

I think I’d die inside if I had to stop telling people I’m a writer, as though my spirit were suddenly severed from my body.  Writing is the first and foremost thing I’ve wanted to do going way back to when I was like ten years old and a teacher told me I should be a writer, and I was like, wait, I can do that?  As like, a for real profession, just tell stories all day? Yeah, I totes want to be a writer!

Okay, yeah, totes is the stupidest word ever. Jeez what is wrong with kids these days? Let’s just pretend it doesn’t exist and the people that use it, we’ll pretend they don’t exist either.

Right.  So, unless I want to be a spiritless automaton, going about my life, rank and filing bones, pretending I know something about anything science-y like, which I only partially do, I guess I have to get something accomplished, finito, published, and voila, me writer.  Yeah, I had a beer while reading about entheseal change earlier so I’m a mite loopy, apologies.  Probably start small, short story or something.  Move my way towards finishing one of the plethora of novels I’ve started but for some reason or another dropped, only to start a different novel altogether.

I’m going back to homework now.  Don’t use the word totes.

School’s Out, Time to Write

As of this past Thursday morning, my school semester is over.  It was a long and hectic year that ended on a few high notes.  A few good grades and good praise from my teachers, met some interesting people that were far friendlier towards me than I probably deserved.  In personal life, I got a new job and a new car.  The job seems to be going well, which could mean it really is going well, or I’m delusional in my hopes that it works out.

My first blog post for the new job goes up on Monday, if you would care to check it out, here’s the link.  It’s not the best thing I’ve ever written, by far, stifled by the pressure of it being my first paid writing gig and trying to situate myself into a position whose previous occupant left a severely sour taste in the boss’s mouth.  While you’re perusing the company blog, you can read some of the old blogger’s posts as well.  I’m not entirely sure how long we’ll be keeping them up, but I’m petitioning to get them removed as soon as possible.  I’d like to distance myself from her work as much as I can.  One of the earliest bloggers had some decent posts, and I’d like to spruce them up a bit, but I guess there were complications during her employment so her stuff might get removed too, we’ll see.  We’ll also be getting a freelance blogger (who I’ll be semi-managing) to write content for us.  She’s got a lot of writing experience, and thus far in our email correspondence she’s been super nice, so I’m excited to be working with her. I’ll let you know when her stuff goes up as well, let you take a look at it.  Also, you know, buy something from the store.  We’ve got cool kitchen gadgets, the kind of stuff that makes me go, “I want that…and that…and OH MY GOD THAT!”

As per my previous blog (in which I complain about my own failings during NaNoWriMo and hope the readers will take pit on me), I’m going to be doing my own version of NaNoWriMo…apparently, starting today.  Woohoo! Got to write 1600 words today.  I can kill that easy, just need to pick a story to work on.   A little torn between the one I was trying to write during NaNoWriMo and a completely different one.  UGH, I’m already sabotaging myself.  I’m just going to open a word doc and start writing, whichever story comes out is the one I’m going with, so there, take that self-imposed writer’s block!

Right.  Off I go to get some novel written.  Enjoy this picture of the kitten that wouldn’t let me do my homework.

He's a little sad about classes ending because it means his favorite napping spot - my books - is going away for a time.  Back to sleeping on my shoulders, I guess.

He’s a little sad about classes ending because it means his favorite napping spot – my books – is going away for a time. Back to sleeping on my shoulders, I guess.

First Day Over

My first day at the new job is over and, well, it was a little anti-climactic.  I guess I was so nervous I was expecting a fire to break out, or hailstorms to roll in from the north.  Overall, it was just a first day.  Things were a little messy, fumbling around, trying to sort out where I was supposed to be and what I should be doing.  They don’t have a computer set up for me yet so I was sitting in the office at the center of the shop working.  There were windows all around me, that way other employees could peer in at me like a goldfish trapped in a bowl.

Image

I’m exaggerating, of course.  Things weren’t nearly that bad or nerve-wracking.

I was working on a Mac, which I haven’t used one in years, so that made me feel even more like a total noob.  But it didn’t take me too long to pick it back up, like riding a bicycle.  I spent the entire time cursing Macs, that was new.  I used to be a total Apple fangirl.  I’ve grown up a lot, I think.

Everyone at the job was very nice, and a lot of help.  I tried not to be too bothersome, but we’ll see.  I’m pretty excited about the products they sell and thus far, I really like the owner of the company.  He’s ambitious, and has a lot of positive vision.  There’s something inexplicably tantalizing about working for such a small-scale company in the process of growing, and in being a part of that growth.

Anyhow, until this month is over and I’ve proven my worth in salt…or at the very least they decide to make me permanent at this place, the anxiety won’t subside.  That should make writing blog content for their company unnecessarily difficult.  Or put a fire under my bum to turn out something great.  I need to stop being afraid of wanting this, and start telling myself this is what I’m meant to do.

That’s the update for now.  Hopefully I start posting blog articles soon.

Opening Doors, Leaving Others Behind

I start my new job tonight.

It’s a little frightening.  There’s a lot of pressure attached to it.  This isn’t just an opportunity to change where I am, but in a sense, I’m pursuing my dreams.  I want to write, to live off writing, see if I have it in me to turn out something people are willing to pay for to read.

Meanwhile, my other job is going to be left hanging for a little while.  Things are slow there, so I’ve cut back hours to transition into this new job.  I feel like a half-person at the old place, a ghost in a sense, which is different than the prisoner I’ve felt like for the past few years.  I’m trying desperately to stay focused on work when I’m there, to keep caring about what I’m doing, but all I really want to do is swap over to this new place and leave the other entirely behind.  I’ve been trapped for so long, this tiny taste of freedom has me salivating at the bit.

I don’t know what I’ll do if this new place decides not to take me on as a permanent employee.

I guess I shouldn’t think like that.  Just need to write like I mean it.

I have a test in a couple hours.  I should be studying, but instead I’m here, procrastinating.

For no real, particular reason, I’ve been thinking a lot about trust and where I’ve placed it in recent times.  Also, I’ve been thinking about the weird ways in which the world works.  They seem like profound musings, but really I’m dwelling on a fellow classmate that seemed to make valiant efforts to befriend me and now I feel did it solely to take advantage of me (and my far better study habits than her own), and how the other day when I got in a car accident I also received invitation to interview at the new job I’ll be starting next week.

Life, at least from my perspective, always balances out in the long run.  Which I think is a very optimistic outlook, given that I grew up a household that focused entirely on the bad things and completely ignored or, it might be more appropriate to say, let the bad overshadow the good.  When I moved out of the house, I very gradually came to realize happiness really does come from within, and that it’s really not about where you are in life but what you do while you’re there.

Or as Yoga Jones put it in Orange is the New Black:

“Work hard to make something as beautiful and meaningful as you can, and when you’re done, pack it in and known it was all temporary.”

Now where did I leave my head again…?

School has kind of got me in a headlock at the moment.  Midterms are coming up and, following tradition, I’m rushing into full blown panic mode.  I’ve already taken my first Japanese exam and I feel pretty confident about it, I only entirely bullshitted a few of the answers.

I have another test on this coming Tuesday for an anthropology class, the title of which I cannot recall for the life of me, it’s something like human biology evolution behavior whatever.  Hopefully that’s not on the test.  I’ve just recently been hired to take notes for one of my fellow students in the class that suffers from some disability. I don’t know who they are or what their disability is because, according to the Disability Resource Center’s training video, I don’t need to know, they really emphasized that point which I found strange because, to be quite frank, I would never want to meet this person.  It’s nothing personal against them, I just don’t like new people.  I’m a little socially disabled, he/she is note-taking disabled, we’re a match made in heaven.  Sort of.

Okay, not really.  Point is, I think I’ll be okay on that test.

Another exam I have in two weeks, for my Evolution of Culture class, I’m a little worried about.  And by a little, I mean I’m completely freaking out.  It’s all on the inside, of course, on the outside I’m cool as a cucumber, you know, except when I’m ripping someone’s head off for asking me how I’m doing that day or some equally offensive question.  My professor for this class is French.  That’s not really important, I just wanted to note that although he’s clearly been in the states a while as his accent is very diluted, it grows more pronounced the more passionate he becomes in his lecture, which is kind of awesome.  The only real complaint I have about him is that he’s far too intelligent, and I don’t think he understands that the majority of the class is not on the same wavelength as him.  I’m really hoping that his test will be mostly multiple choice, but I sense that this guy is a “short/long essay” kind of test giver, and if that’s the case, I may fail.  Miserably.

My last exam is Human Growth and Development.  I’m torn on that one.  The professor has given us ample study aides, including review sheets and practice essay questions.  Which mean, if I use the study material, I have an incredibly good chance of acing the class.  That’s if I use the study material.  There’s a lot riding on that “if”; motivation and wherewithal and whatnot.  At least in that instance, if I fail I know it’s entirely on me, and I can’t shaft even the most inventive of responsibilities onto the professor.  Darn her and her crafty helpfulness.

Once midterms are over, then I can enter academic catatonia in response to upcoming term papers that I need to write, one of which I screwed myself over on with an incredibly complicated topic choice (“very interesting”, my professor called it, I was just making things up) and the other I haven’t a clue yet what the topic will be about, tune-in next week for the critical meltdown on that one.

Outside of school, I’ve been getting some writing done.  The short story I shared a clip of a short while back is about half-way finished, it’s sitting at 3,600 words right now (I know, I know, what’s taking me so long) and I’ve begun a novel-length project, my goal for which is, starting from March 1st, to write 500 words a day towards this project, and finish the first five chapters by the end of the month.  Thus far I’m a couple hundred words over the goal (just finished my 500 for today), so, you know, yay!

And now, I’m off to study.  Yes, this is my Saturday night, I feel so cool…

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